Welcome to 2016, World! I'm so glad that 2015 is behind me. While there were great moments, I feel like last year will forever have a nasty scar over it's otherwise beautiful, wonderful memories. My 2015 could be summarized like this:
Pregnant, Chicago, stuck, Ranza, ICU, good-bye or not, Beth, miracle, best friend's wedding, hospice, Dad, Baby G, preschool, maternity leave, bible study, grief/grief group, joy in pain, running, 5Ks, difficult holidays.
Yikes, not good. But it's honest. It might change, but as of right now, that's what sticks out in my brain.
Anyway, now that 2016 has arrived, I am trying to move forward, get out of my funk, and become a productive member of society again, starting with my life/household. I don't usually make resolutions at the New Year, but I do set some goals...which are the same thing, I KNOW!
It's hard to make my 2016 goals short and sweet, but I will try to explain, primarily to put it out there so that I can't just forget them and ignore them (in theory).
I desire to develop productive habits that will lead to a more organized, decluttered, and anxiety free life. When my life is disorganized and filled with crap (whether physical or in my mind), my anxiety sky rockets and instead of action, my reaction is to become complacent. I get so overwhelmed that I just stop and freeze and say "Oh my gosh! There's so much, I just can't deal! I can't do anything about this! There's too much!" I want to avoid getting to this point, in every aspect of my life - kids, household chores, decision making, organization, budget, etc.
I'm hoping with productive habits, I will stop wasting the time that I say that I don't have, but actually have so much of. I'm hoping that I will learn to value rest because I won't be sitting around as much doing nothing. I want to cherish the time I have with my family, friends, and by myself, and learn how to use it to the fullest.
We'll see.
I also want to improve my posture.
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Sunday, September 13, 2015
A Dichotomous Summer
Have you ever been in a situation where joy and grief are equally present? Did you feel confused? How can you be joyful when something awful is happening? How can you grieve when this precious event is occurring? This dichotomy of emotions is how my summer can be characterized.
I guess it started back in March, when I last blogged. As we anticipated the OB appointment to learn the gender of baby #2, my dad was hospitalized and almost died in the ICU. Instead of going to my doctor's office where the sonographer is well versed in going through each organ system with expecting parents, explaining what is being viewed and eventually revealing the gender of the baby, we hurried the ultrasound, asking for a doctor's order to visit the local imaging center a day before the scheduled appointment to quickly make sure organ systems were all present and working and learn of the baby's gender, to in turn quickly drive home to visit my dad on his (at that time) presumed death bed and tell him if he was having another grandson or granddaughter. Joy and grief.
After making a miraculous recovery and going through extensive rehab, my dad finally returned home. However, in May, he was again hospitalized where they discovered that he was again, unable to swallow correctly. Feeding tube surgery was risky due to the state of his abdomen and passing a tube down his nose into his stomach also proved to be impossible. As I traveled home with my little boy for me to fly to Philadelphia for my best friend's wedding, my mother explained to me that the possibility of hospice care was real for my dad. They were running out of ideas of how to keep my dad alive. As I got myself ready to fly to Philadelphia the next day, my mom came home from the hospital telling me that Dad had made the decision to go under the care of hospice when I returned from the wedding. I wept as I traveled to Philly, trying to hide my emotions and tears from my best friend, but failing. Joy in seeing my best friend, grief for what was about to unfold.
While in Philadelphia, I was able to focus on the task of wedding preparation and push everything at home aside in my mind, for the most part. But circumstances at home on the day of the wedding caused me to consider flying home and not be a part of my best friend's special day. After much counsel from my wonderful husband and dear friends, I chose to stay and see my beautiful friend get married to an amazing man of God. I was unable to be fully present that day, however, and I am so sad for that. My mind was constantly focused on what was going on at home, praying that everything could be handled without me long enough for me to catch my 5:30am flight the next morning. It is still difficult for me to see pictures from that beautiful day without thinking of what was occurring in my life at that time. Joy and grief.
When I returned home, I saw my dad take charge, one more time, in my mother's care as she was hospitalized shortly at that point. It was amazing to see him care for her, even in his weakened state, as she had done for him so much. Joy in that precious moment, just one more time; grief that it was his last time to care for her.
Once hospice care started, I was the one to drive my dad to his final dialysis appointment. We drove to his favorite places, having meals (as best as he could eat) where he wanted. Our conversations were about heaven and what he looked forward to. We talked about his new grandson and how he was making himself known with a lot of movement and discomfort to mommy. Joyful conversations in the midst of grieving the impending loss of my dad.
My mom was able to spend one last night with my dad in their bed. The next morning, early, he passed peacefully. She said that she held his hand all night, laying as close to him as she could, even if he didn't know she was there. What a beautiful experience. Joy and grief.
Almost two months later, little baby boy G was born. We gave him the middle name of David, after his angel in heaven. What a joy to welcome him into our family, but I am grieving that he will never know his Pops. That there won't be pictures of Pops holding him as there are of Little S. My heart aches over all of this.
As I learn how to live life as a mom of two (which is really hard right now), I am also learning how life goes on without my dad present. I pray for peace and comfort every day. I am thankful for the amazing example of faith, perseverance and love that he gave. I try to embody the same perseverance and fighting spirit that he had. I look forward to joy in the midst of the grief that I know I will always feel over the absence of my dad. Right now, I'll pray for comfort as the joy and grief continue to be separate.
I guess it started back in March, when I last blogged. As we anticipated the OB appointment to learn the gender of baby #2, my dad was hospitalized and almost died in the ICU. Instead of going to my doctor's office where the sonographer is well versed in going through each organ system with expecting parents, explaining what is being viewed and eventually revealing the gender of the baby, we hurried the ultrasound, asking for a doctor's order to visit the local imaging center a day before the scheduled appointment to quickly make sure organ systems were all present and working and learn of the baby's gender, to in turn quickly drive home to visit my dad on his (at that time) presumed death bed and tell him if he was having another grandson or granddaughter. Joy and grief.
After making a miraculous recovery and going through extensive rehab, my dad finally returned home. However, in May, he was again hospitalized where they discovered that he was again, unable to swallow correctly. Feeding tube surgery was risky due to the state of his abdomen and passing a tube down his nose into his stomach also proved to be impossible. As I traveled home with my little boy for me to fly to Philadelphia for my best friend's wedding, my mother explained to me that the possibility of hospice care was real for my dad. They were running out of ideas of how to keep my dad alive. As I got myself ready to fly to Philadelphia the next day, my mom came home from the hospital telling me that Dad had made the decision to go under the care of hospice when I returned from the wedding. I wept as I traveled to Philly, trying to hide my emotions and tears from my best friend, but failing. Joy in seeing my best friend, grief for what was about to unfold.
While in Philadelphia, I was able to focus on the task of wedding preparation and push everything at home aside in my mind, for the most part. But circumstances at home on the day of the wedding caused me to consider flying home and not be a part of my best friend's special day. After much counsel from my wonderful husband and dear friends, I chose to stay and see my beautiful friend get married to an amazing man of God. I was unable to be fully present that day, however, and I am so sad for that. My mind was constantly focused on what was going on at home, praying that everything could be handled without me long enough for me to catch my 5:30am flight the next morning. It is still difficult for me to see pictures from that beautiful day without thinking of what was occurring in my life at that time. Joy and grief.
When I returned home, I saw my dad take charge, one more time, in my mother's care as she was hospitalized shortly at that point. It was amazing to see him care for her, even in his weakened state, as she had done for him so much. Joy in that precious moment, just one more time; grief that it was his last time to care for her.
Once hospice care started, I was the one to drive my dad to his final dialysis appointment. We drove to his favorite places, having meals (as best as he could eat) where he wanted. Our conversations were about heaven and what he looked forward to. We talked about his new grandson and how he was making himself known with a lot of movement and discomfort to mommy. Joyful conversations in the midst of grieving the impending loss of my dad.
My mom was able to spend one last night with my dad in their bed. The next morning, early, he passed peacefully. She said that she held his hand all night, laying as close to him as she could, even if he didn't know she was there. What a beautiful experience. Joy and grief.
Almost two months later, little baby boy G was born. We gave him the middle name of David, after his angel in heaven. What a joy to welcome him into our family, but I am grieving that he will never know his Pops. That there won't be pictures of Pops holding him as there are of Little S. My heart aches over all of this.
As I learn how to live life as a mom of two (which is really hard right now), I am also learning how life goes on without my dad present. I pray for peace and comfort every day. I am thankful for the amazing example of faith, perseverance and love that he gave. I try to embody the same perseverance and fighting spirit that he had. I look forward to joy in the midst of the grief that I know I will always feel over the absence of my dad. Right now, I'll pray for comfort as the joy and grief continue to be separate.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Rollercoasters
Oh wow, I sure do hate rollercoasters. All kinds.
Yes, that is not an exaggeration. I don't know why I choose to go to Worlds of Fun every year. It's such a waste of money. I go on one rollercoaster and not only get scared out of my mind but also feel nauseous for the rest of the night. Yeah. I'm not a fan of rollercoasters.
I also hate emotional rollercoasters. Ooooh, wow...they are THE WORST!!! So stressful, so exhausting, so emotional, so unpredictable.
I have been on a doozey of an emotional rollercoaster for about 2 1/2 weeks again. I've gone from being told that my dad may never make it out of the ICU alive, to walking into his room seeing him sitting up in a chair. We went from him telling me on the phone that, "Heaven awaits," as I rushed home to say goodbye, to filling out tournament brackets for the NCAA tournament (which I am going to lose terribly). I had conversations with both parents regarding resuscitation and what he'd want or not want the staff to perform while in the hospital. I went from telling him "thank you for everything" as he was taken into a high risk procedure thinking I may never see him alive again to grinning from ear to ear as we told him that his procedure was more successful than expected. I am home and trying to regain normalcy to my life because he is more stable now and has been moved out of the ICU...ALIVE.
I know that there is SO much ahead of him that will be difficult both physically and mentally for him. I know that this will not be an easy journey. But I also know that God has performed a miracle for all of us to see. He heard our prayers, that were not necessarily for healing but for peace, wisdom, guidance, and comfort.
So often we forget to praise God in the good times, when what we wanted (or didn't dare to want) has been given to us. Do you know who remembered? My dad. He prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving the day after his "high risk" procedure. Wow...just wow.
Please continue to pray for strength and determination for him as he journeys down this road to full recovery, whatever that might be. Thank you for your support, kind words, and fervent prayers. They have been heard and treasured by all of us.
Yes, that is not an exaggeration. I don't know why I choose to go to Worlds of Fun every year. It's such a waste of money. I go on one rollercoaster and not only get scared out of my mind but also feel nauseous for the rest of the night. Yeah. I'm not a fan of rollercoasters.
I also hate emotional rollercoasters. Ooooh, wow...they are THE WORST!!! So stressful, so exhausting, so emotional, so unpredictable.
I have been on a doozey of an emotional rollercoaster for about 2 1/2 weeks again. I've gone from being told that my dad may never make it out of the ICU alive, to walking into his room seeing him sitting up in a chair. We went from him telling me on the phone that, "Heaven awaits," as I rushed home to say goodbye, to filling out tournament brackets for the NCAA tournament (which I am going to lose terribly). I had conversations with both parents regarding resuscitation and what he'd want or not want the staff to perform while in the hospital. I went from telling him "thank you for everything" as he was taken into a high risk procedure thinking I may never see him alive again to grinning from ear to ear as we told him that his procedure was more successful than expected. I am home and trying to regain normalcy to my life because he is more stable now and has been moved out of the ICU...ALIVE.
I know that there is SO much ahead of him that will be difficult both physically and mentally for him. I know that this will not be an easy journey. But I also know that God has performed a miracle for all of us to see. He heard our prayers, that were not necessarily for healing but for peace, wisdom, guidance, and comfort.
So often we forget to praise God in the good times, when what we wanted (or didn't dare to want) has been given to us. Do you know who remembered? My dad. He prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving the day after his "high risk" procedure. Wow...just wow.
Please continue to pray for strength and determination for him as he journeys down this road to full recovery, whatever that might be. Thank you for your support, kind words, and fervent prayers. They have been heard and treasured by all of us.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Learning God's Love with a Breaking Heart
Hmmm....maybe I should change that post title. I think people are going to think it's about something different than what I am actually writing about. But it's truly what this post is about.
I hate sickness. I hate disease. I hate genetic kidney disease that is and has been slowly killing my father. I JUST HATE IT!!!
Sorry, had to start out with some capital letters.
I know that I have written about my dad and his illness and I'm pretty sure one of the last times I blogged was after I'd visited him in the hospital.
Well, it's worse this time and my heart is breaking. He's in the ICU now and I'm scared. His body is so full of infection that it has affected his organ systems. He is so weak that he's not allowed to eat by mouth because he doesn't have the muscle strength to swallow it down. His heart is so weak that he needs to be on IV medications just to keep his blood pressure stable even though what is stable for him currently is still lower than what it should be. The cause of his infection has been identified and requires a "high risk" surgery to be removed. He sounds so weak when I talk to him on the phone I can't help but cry.
In the midst of this darkness, God is showing me what a selfless and true love looks like through two specific people: my dad and Little S.
Even in this time of trial, my dad's main concern is his family. Instead of complaining about how he can't eat, he asks us what we have for meals because he wants to make sure that we are eating. Instead of lamenting about how he can't enjoy the nice day, he encourages us to go outside to get some fresh air. He makes my mom and brother leave earlier and earlier everyday so that they can rest, though I know he would like visitors late into the evening. Even though he falls asleep as soon as we leave his room, he gets upset if we don't call him to let him know that we are home safe and sound. Even when he was coming out of sedation from a procedure, he kept looking at my mom and telling her how pretty she is and how much he loves her (of course this is in addition to the funny stuff that's the subject of many YouTube videos, but still). He still tries to take care of us even when he has no strength to care for himself. What an amazing example of love.
I know that I may be reaching when I say that a three year old is modeling God's perfect love to me, but I truly believe he is, even though I don't know how he is so wise for being so little. This little boy sees me crying and immediately drops everything to come over and give me kisses. He asks me why I'm crying and why I'm sad, keeping perfect eye contact the whole time. He doesn't stop looking at me and kissing my cheeks until he sees a smile from me. This is the little boy who is usually so focused on what he's doing that he doesn't notice the world around him.
Tonight, Little S asked me to sing Amazing Grace to him before bedtime. I could barely start the song. As he was kissing my cheeks and watching me, my sweet little boy started crying. When I asked him why, he told me, "Because you are sad and crying," which only made me cry more. I told him that, "I'm crying because I'm sad that Pops is sick." After crying together for a second, Little S said, "Please don't go away, but when you go to the hospital, I will go with you so you won't be sad." WOW. But wait, there's more. After I told him to pray that Pops gets better he asked, "But what if he hurts?" He's 3, people! My response, "Well, let's pray that he doesn't hurt." I don't know where this kid came from. His questions are amazing to me. I pray that he doesn't lose that sweet and caring soul.
I ask that you pray for my dad as he battles. I ask for comfort and peace as we walk through this with him. I ask for prayers for wisdom for his doctors and compassion for his nurses.
I hate sickness. I hate disease. I hate genetic kidney disease that is and has been slowly killing my father. I JUST HATE IT!!!
Sorry, had to start out with some capital letters.
I know that I have written about my dad and his illness and I'm pretty sure one of the last times I blogged was after I'd visited him in the hospital.
Well, it's worse this time and my heart is breaking. He's in the ICU now and I'm scared. His body is so full of infection that it has affected his organ systems. He is so weak that he's not allowed to eat by mouth because he doesn't have the muscle strength to swallow it down. His heart is so weak that he needs to be on IV medications just to keep his blood pressure stable even though what is stable for him currently is still lower than what it should be. The cause of his infection has been identified and requires a "high risk" surgery to be removed. He sounds so weak when I talk to him on the phone I can't help but cry.
In the midst of this darkness, God is showing me what a selfless and true love looks like through two specific people: my dad and Little S.
Even in this time of trial, my dad's main concern is his family. Instead of complaining about how he can't eat, he asks us what we have for meals because he wants to make sure that we are eating. Instead of lamenting about how he can't enjoy the nice day, he encourages us to go outside to get some fresh air. He makes my mom and brother leave earlier and earlier everyday so that they can rest, though I know he would like visitors late into the evening. Even though he falls asleep as soon as we leave his room, he gets upset if we don't call him to let him know that we are home safe and sound. Even when he was coming out of sedation from a procedure, he kept looking at my mom and telling her how pretty she is and how much he loves her (of course this is in addition to the funny stuff that's the subject of many YouTube videos, but still). He still tries to take care of us even when he has no strength to care for himself. What an amazing example of love.
I know that I may be reaching when I say that a three year old is modeling God's perfect love to me, but I truly believe he is, even though I don't know how he is so wise for being so little. This little boy sees me crying and immediately drops everything to come over and give me kisses. He asks me why I'm crying and why I'm sad, keeping perfect eye contact the whole time. He doesn't stop looking at me and kissing my cheeks until he sees a smile from me. This is the little boy who is usually so focused on what he's doing that he doesn't notice the world around him.
Tonight, Little S asked me to sing Amazing Grace to him before bedtime. I could barely start the song. As he was kissing my cheeks and watching me, my sweet little boy started crying. When I asked him why, he told me, "Because you are sad and crying," which only made me cry more. I told him that, "I'm crying because I'm sad that Pops is sick." After crying together for a second, Little S said, "Please don't go away, but when you go to the hospital, I will go with you so you won't be sad." WOW. But wait, there's more. After I told him to pray that Pops gets better he asked, "But what if he hurts?" He's 3, people! My response, "Well, let's pray that he doesn't hurt." I don't know where this kid came from. His questions are amazing to me. I pray that he doesn't lose that sweet and caring soul.
I ask that you pray for my dad as he battles. I ask for comfort and peace as we walk through this with him. I ask for prayers for wisdom for his doctors and compassion for his nurses.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Thoughts on Lent 2015...so far
A few days late as Lent started on Wednesday but oh well:
Oh yes, it's that time of year to think about sacrifices and what Christ did for us on the cross. It's also the time of the year that many people dread as they decide what they want to "give up" for the 40 days.
As expected (because he does this every Lenten season), last Sunday, my pastor encouraged us to not think of what we can "give up" but what we can do to lead us into a deeper spiritual journey during this Lenten season. It's not a time for us to change a habit, lose weight, or anything like that. It's a time for us to reflect and grow spiritually as we prepare for (in my opinion) the most important moments of the Christian faith.
Honestly, I'd already decided that I'm not giving anything up anyway because of baby #2. I can't eat raw sushi, drink my Angry Orchard, or even get an easy Jimmy Johns sandwich while at work. I was pretty much being a whiny brat about it.
After really thinking and praying about it, I still don't know what I am doing for the Lenten season. I have started reading through a devotional book with Little S every morning when we wake up to start our day out with a little encouragement from God.
And to be honest again, ever since we started this, parenting has been kind of sucky. Ugh!!! I know, it's small moments that are making me say this and for the most part, we have a fine time, but it hasn't been easy to be a mommy for the past 5 days.
In a way, I wonder if this is my Lenten "fast." My pastor encouraged us to seek out something that really challenges us to get out of our base comfort zone and to truly rely on him as we battle what we fear. For me, as I am often in my head, I tend to battle anxiety over the future and desire security and comfort. From Little S running out into the grocery store parking lot and then headbutting my nose while I was trying to talk to him to being peed on by the stubborn little boy; from cleaning spilled coffee off my couch and chair cushions to vacuuming up rice and glass from a glass jar broken on our fireplace; and now to a sick little kid that's causing me to miss church and community with my church family, I feel like my desire for control of situations and preparing for the future are being tested. I am relying on God as I pray for patience and love in all situations. I want my boy to know how much he is loved, even when I am frustrated, tired, and short tempered.
I know it's not necessarily a daily practice, but it sure seems like right now. Oh well. I know that God is good and loves and hears me. I know that parenting is an adventure that never ends. I pray that during this Lenten season and for always, I will remember who provides for me and that I will continue to rely on Him more and more instead of relying on my plans for the future (because we all know my plans are never the right course in my life, especially when I say, "I will never..." i.e. William Jewell College, nursing, marrying a youth pastor, etc).
Oh yes, it's that time of year to think about sacrifices and what Christ did for us on the cross. It's also the time of the year that many people dread as they decide what they want to "give up" for the 40 days.
As expected (because he does this every Lenten season), last Sunday, my pastor encouraged us to not think of what we can "give up" but what we can do to lead us into a deeper spiritual journey during this Lenten season. It's not a time for us to change a habit, lose weight, or anything like that. It's a time for us to reflect and grow spiritually as we prepare for (in my opinion) the most important moments of the Christian faith.
Honestly, I'd already decided that I'm not giving anything up anyway because of baby #2. I can't eat raw sushi, drink my Angry Orchard, or even get an easy Jimmy Johns sandwich while at work. I was pretty much being a whiny brat about it.
After really thinking and praying about it, I still don't know what I am doing for the Lenten season. I have started reading through a devotional book with Little S every morning when we wake up to start our day out with a little encouragement from God.
And to be honest again, ever since we started this, parenting has been kind of sucky. Ugh!!! I know, it's small moments that are making me say this and for the most part, we have a fine time, but it hasn't been easy to be a mommy for the past 5 days.
In a way, I wonder if this is my Lenten "fast." My pastor encouraged us to seek out something that really challenges us to get out of our base comfort zone and to truly rely on him as we battle what we fear. For me, as I am often in my head, I tend to battle anxiety over the future and desire security and comfort. From Little S running out into the grocery store parking lot and then headbutting my nose while I was trying to talk to him to being peed on by the stubborn little boy; from cleaning spilled coffee off my couch and chair cushions to vacuuming up rice and glass from a glass jar broken on our fireplace; and now to a sick little kid that's causing me to miss church and community with my church family, I feel like my desire for control of situations and preparing for the future are being tested. I am relying on God as I pray for patience and love in all situations. I want my boy to know how much he is loved, even when I am frustrated, tired, and short tempered.
I know it's not necessarily a daily practice, but it sure seems like right now. Oh well. I know that God is good and loves and hears me. I know that parenting is an adventure that never ends. I pray that during this Lenten season and for always, I will remember who provides for me and that I will continue to rely on Him more and more instead of relying on my plans for the future (because we all know my plans are never the right course in my life, especially when I say, "I will never..." i.e. William Jewell College, nursing, marrying a youth pastor, etc).
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
On the subject of Baseball
It's World Series time, if you didn't know. If you missed it, the Kansas City Royals are playing in the World Series, here in KANSAS CITY, MO, today. It's an exciting time for my city and my Kansas City friends.
I have a confession to make: I am a St. Louis Cardinals fan. But I am excited for the Royals and will be rooting for them during this World Series.
Does this mean I'm jumping on the bandwagon with the rest of the United States (minus San Francisco) and rooting for the Royals? I don't know. I guess. If that's what you call it. Does that mean I'm being a traitor to my team? No.
I read a blog post that several of my Kansas City friends posted on Facebook about how there is no room for Cardinals fans on the Kansas City bandwagon. You can read it here.
Sometimes (most of the time) I wish I was a writer so that I could use my words eloquently and tastefully to convey my true thoughts and feelings. Instead, I was blessed with simple thoughts and a simple vocabulary to try and write with, that usually either offends or confuses everyone.
But here goes:
I'm sorry, Matty Flex, for all of the Cardinals fans you have encountered in your life. They sound awful. I would hate them too. Hopefully, you will encounter the good, nice, baseball loving, Cardinals fans soon.
It's true, we are used to the postseason and winning. But, I, for one, am not a Cards fan because they win. I grew up in St. Louis watching the Cardinals while doing homework. I loved when my dad would take my family to games with his company tickets. My celebrity crushes were Cardinals players, not actors or musicians (well, minus NSYNC). I was the statistician for the baseball team in high school (I know, dorky, right?) because I just LOVE baseball.
I'm sure the diehard baseball fans would say that I am not a true Cardinals fan and they're probably right. I barely know the players names and positions. I don't track stats. I barely know the Cardinals record throughout a season. I get bored during the regular season because there are so many games. I don't watch the games on TV because 1) I can't (living in KC, ya know), 2) I don't want to pay to watch them on MLB network, and 3) I don't have the time.
But I'm proud of where I'm from and the team that I grew up supporting. I love being able to watch the Cardinals in the postseason because I can actually watch them on TV. And postseason ball is so much more exciting. Like my friend said, "every game matters." The regular season is looooooooooooooong. Trends matter, not each individual game.
For my Royals friends, I'm sorry if I was ever that awful Cardinals fan to you. You all make me want to be a better Cardinals fan. Seriously. It's been so fun to see everyone get excited during this postseason. I love going to watch parties with all of my Royals loving friends. It's so much better to be excited with friends because it's usually just me - Big S usually doesn't care as much as he puts on and Little S doesn't understand. It makes me want to be a better fan for my team. I want to be my team's fan, loud and proud. Even when we lose. Even when it's in the middle of the god-awful, long, baseball season. Thank you KC friends for showing me what being a true fan looks like. Maybe one day I will own a Royals t-shirt and wear it with pride (unless they're playing my Cards), not because I converted to being a Royals fan, but because I love my city and the team and community of fans that comes with it.
I have been painting my nails while writing this and they are a pretty blue. I will be working tonight while wearing royal blue scrubs and will be sneaking glances at the game on every TV that I can find. And I will be cheering for the Kansas City Royals. I am not a traitor to my beloved St. Louis Cardinals. I'm not jumping on the Royals bandwagon in the "I want to cheer for a winning team" sort of way or in a "Beat those dang Giants" sort of way (well, maybe a little). I am a baseball fan who lives in Kansas City. While I am not able to understand the enormity of what is going on here like my diehard Royals fans, I am still excited. It's hard to live in Kansas City and not be excited. Go Royals! #beroyal #takethecrown #cardinalsfanswhoaremeanruinitfortherestofus
I have a confession to make: I am a St. Louis Cardinals fan. But I am excited for the Royals and will be rooting for them during this World Series.
Does this mean I'm jumping on the bandwagon with the rest of the United States (minus San Francisco) and rooting for the Royals? I don't know. I guess. If that's what you call it. Does that mean I'm being a traitor to my team? No.
I read a blog post that several of my Kansas City friends posted on Facebook about how there is no room for Cardinals fans on the Kansas City bandwagon. You can read it here.
Sometimes (most of the time) I wish I was a writer so that I could use my words eloquently and tastefully to convey my true thoughts and feelings. Instead, I was blessed with simple thoughts and a simple vocabulary to try and write with, that usually either offends or confuses everyone.
But here goes:
I'm sorry, Matty Flex, for all of the Cardinals fans you have encountered in your life. They sound awful. I would hate them too. Hopefully, you will encounter the good, nice, baseball loving, Cardinals fans soon.
It's true, we are used to the postseason and winning. But, I, for one, am not a Cards fan because they win. I grew up in St. Louis watching the Cardinals while doing homework. I loved when my dad would take my family to games with his company tickets. My celebrity crushes were Cardinals players, not actors or musicians (well, minus NSYNC). I was the statistician for the baseball team in high school (I know, dorky, right?) because I just LOVE baseball.
I'm sure the diehard baseball fans would say that I am not a true Cardinals fan and they're probably right. I barely know the players names and positions. I don't track stats. I barely know the Cardinals record throughout a season. I get bored during the regular season because there are so many games. I don't watch the games on TV because 1) I can't (living in KC, ya know), 2) I don't want to pay to watch them on MLB network, and 3) I don't have the time.
But I'm proud of where I'm from and the team that I grew up supporting. I love being able to watch the Cardinals in the postseason because I can actually watch them on TV. And postseason ball is so much more exciting. Like my friend said, "every game matters." The regular season is looooooooooooooong. Trends matter, not each individual game.
For my Royals friends, I'm sorry if I was ever that awful Cardinals fan to you. You all make me want to be a better Cardinals fan. Seriously. It's been so fun to see everyone get excited during this postseason. I love going to watch parties with all of my Royals loving friends. It's so much better to be excited with friends because it's usually just me - Big S usually doesn't care as much as he puts on and Little S doesn't understand. It makes me want to be a better fan for my team. I want to be my team's fan, loud and proud. Even when we lose. Even when it's in the middle of the god-awful, long, baseball season. Thank you KC friends for showing me what being a true fan looks like. Maybe one day I will own a Royals t-shirt and wear it with pride (unless they're playing my Cards), not because I converted to being a Royals fan, but because I love my city and the team and community of fans that comes with it.
I have been painting my nails while writing this and they are a pretty blue. I will be working tonight while wearing royal blue scrubs and will be sneaking glances at the game on every TV that I can find. And I will be cheering for the Kansas City Royals. I am not a traitor to my beloved St. Louis Cardinals. I'm not jumping on the Royals bandwagon in the "I want to cheer for a winning team" sort of way or in a "Beat those dang Giants" sort of way (well, maybe a little). I am a baseball fan who lives in Kansas City. While I am not able to understand the enormity of what is going on here like my diehard Royals fans, I am still excited. It's hard to live in Kansas City and not be excited. Go Royals! #beroyal #takethecrown #cardinalsfanswhoaremeanruinitfortherestofus
Friday, September 19, 2014
A one year later....
...isn't that the theme of my blogs...not that you, the reader would know this since I change blogs all of the time. But, yes, it is. I get on a kick, redo the blog or start a new one all together, and bam! life happens and I stop blogging for about a year before getting bored/motivated to start up blogging again. My thoughts when I get the urge to blog again always start with, "WHY? No one reads it (because you don't post your new posts) or cares. Writing is not your strength. Who cares about what you're thinking."
While this is all true, it's something for me to do to get my thoughts out. So, I will continue to stop and go and type out the random thoughts in my head. Maybe one day it'll catch...probably not.
What has changed in the year since I last posted.
While this is all true, it's something for me to do to get my thoughts out. So, I will continue to stop and go and type out the random thoughts in my head. Maybe one day it'll catch...probably not.
What has changed in the year since I last posted.
- I'm washing my hair again. Yeah, I did the "no poo" thing for about a year and decided that I like the feel of clean, chemical laden, hair, and promptly took advantage of the Beauty Brands liter sale.
- Big S was offered a job as a firefighter on Little S's birthday. I missed flirting with him at work.
- Big S changed fire departments as of this week. Yeah, big news! And it's with a bigger and more organized department. We're excited for the change even though it is farther from home.
- We went on vacation to Florida with friends in July and had a ton of fun with lots of friends and family time.
- I no longer work nights or with my heart kiddos. *sob**sob* My body decided to start rejecting working nights, so I've moved to an urgent care that is affiliated with my hospital that is closer to home whose hours are noon-2200 (that's 10pm for those who don't do military time). I miss my friends dearly, but am thankful for the change and the more normal(ish) schedule.
- I am working out more normally and feel better about my body. If you need quick workouts that are challenging, Melissa Bender is your woman. benderfitness.com Seriously, do her workouts...they are AWESOME (and by awesome, I mean, hard and challenging).
- Little S is in a "Little Kickers" martial arts class this year. We decided not to put him in preschool yet so this is our plan to get him to be with other kids in an organized manner. It's not very organized because it's six little boys 3-5 (or almost three in Little S's case) running around like mad men. God bless my friend for teaching them.
- My bestie in Phildelphia is ENGAGED!!! Can't wait for her Spring/Early Summer wedding!
Monday, September 30, 2013
Finding the Good
As I mentioned in my last post, my parents have not been able to live an easy life lately. My mom described it like they're in the ocean, about to get their bearings and staying afloat and all of a sudden another wave comes and knocks them down again. When we talk on the phone after another wave hits them, I always encourage them to look at the little victories in the everyday. Is Dad getting around a little faster than he was? Is he able to make dinner tonight? Did you have the time to see the grandson in town in between doctors' office visits, home health visits, and dialysis? Little things in the everyday that seem so minor, but if you look back you realize how far you've come.
Well, today, for me, was that kind of day that had me doing the same thing. It was a day that seemed like no good was present. Everything was negative. I made my first MAJOR mistake at work. Then I got home and only got two hours of sleep after 3 shifts in a row. Because of this, I looked like I stood up my pastor at a scheduled meeting, even though I'd emailed him and said I couldn't meet (I guess he didn't get the email). The night ended with Little S throwing the biggest tantrum at bedtime that I've ever experienced.
A Redd's Apple Ale, a few snapchats, some Candy Crush, and a bunch of laundry folding later, I am ready to end this night, but I know that I need to practice what I preach so that I don't think of only negatives to this day. I know there are positives. I have a friend who "counts her blessings" on facebook. She's on #336. That's neat. I'd forget the number I was on.
The good in today's little moments:
1) I ran for 20 minutes straight, equaling 2 miles. WHAT?!?!?! I am not a runner so this is huge! The couch to 5K training program is AWESOME! I can't wait to see how much better of a runner I get and possibly speeding up my pace (but I won't push that one).
2) Clean sheets. Since I'm trying to clean up our room and actually do laundry, it was time to wash the sheets on the bed. I love going to bed in clean sheets.
3) Watson, the dog. You won't see me count him as a blessing much, but today he was. I took him on my run and he was actually a great running companion. Usually, when it's me, Big S, Little S in the stroller, and him, he's a totally annoyance, but today he was wonderful.
4) My new St. Louis Cardinals Jacket. Oh yeah, had to buy one for the playoffs. 12 in '13!!!
5) Chaco, the other dog. Just because she's so cute and she was my first baby.
6) Precious time with the little. Even though our time ended with me holding my head in my hands trying to be more stubborn than our stubborn little boy, our time together before that was awesome. He's so sweet and smart and I just love him so much.
7) Our housemate. Yes, we have a friend living in our basement. I love her and she brings me joy. I am so thankful for her and that she can help take care of Little S. She is a blessing.
8) Josh Groban. I know. Weird. I've been listening to him since the tantrum started. He just makes me relaxed. When I studied abroad, I would listen to him to calm down from my (self-imposed) drama. (Another story, another time). We have tickets to his concert in October and I am SO EXCITED!!! It is seriously (and sadly, probably) a dream come true. My husband gave me an awesome Mother's Day gift.
Okay, I'm feeling better about the day so I am good to end it and go to bed. Thanks for listening. Remember, there is always good, even when it seems hopeless. God is good and gracious and faithful.
Well, today, for me, was that kind of day that had me doing the same thing. It was a day that seemed like no good was present. Everything was negative. I made my first MAJOR mistake at work. Then I got home and only got two hours of sleep after 3 shifts in a row. Because of this, I looked like I stood up my pastor at a scheduled meeting, even though I'd emailed him and said I couldn't meet (I guess he didn't get the email). The night ended with Little S throwing the biggest tantrum at bedtime that I've ever experienced.
A Redd's Apple Ale, a few snapchats, some Candy Crush, and a bunch of laundry folding later, I am ready to end this night, but I know that I need to practice what I preach so that I don't think of only negatives to this day. I know there are positives. I have a friend who "counts her blessings" on facebook. She's on #336. That's neat. I'd forget the number I was on.
The good in today's little moments:
1) I ran for 20 minutes straight, equaling 2 miles. WHAT?!?!?! I am not a runner so this is huge! The couch to 5K training program is AWESOME! I can't wait to see how much better of a runner I get and possibly speeding up my pace (but I won't push that one).
2) Clean sheets. Since I'm trying to clean up our room and actually do laundry, it was time to wash the sheets on the bed. I love going to bed in clean sheets.
3) Watson, the dog. You won't see me count him as a blessing much, but today he was. I took him on my run and he was actually a great running companion. Usually, when it's me, Big S, Little S in the stroller, and him, he's a totally annoyance, but today he was wonderful.
4) My new St. Louis Cardinals Jacket. Oh yeah, had to buy one for the playoffs. 12 in '13!!!
5) Chaco, the other dog. Just because she's so cute and she was my first baby.
6) Precious time with the little. Even though our time ended with me holding my head in my hands trying to be more stubborn than our stubborn little boy, our time together before that was awesome. He's so sweet and smart and I just love him so much.
7) Our housemate. Yes, we have a friend living in our basement. I love her and she brings me joy. I am so thankful for her and that she can help take care of Little S. She is a blessing.
8) Josh Groban. I know. Weird. I've been listening to him since the tantrum started. He just makes me relaxed. When I studied abroad, I would listen to him to calm down from my (self-imposed) drama. (Another story, another time). We have tickets to his concert in October and I am SO EXCITED!!! It is seriously (and sadly, probably) a dream come true. My husband gave me an awesome Mother's Day gift.
Okay, I'm feeling better about the day so I am good to end it and go to bed. Thanks for listening. Remember, there is always good, even when it seems hopeless. God is good and gracious and faithful.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Going home
For the past few days, Little S and I have been across the state visiting my parents. While the trip was planned in advance, the unforeseen circumstance of my dad being admitted to the hospital for a week occurred which put a wrench in our plans. However, Little S was amazing when he visited Pops in the hospital, and my mom was able to have some much needed respite from her caregiver responsibilities while she spent time with the munchkin at their house.
My dad has not been dealt the best cards when it comes to health. He has a genetic kidney disease. He has been on dialysis since I was in high school. He had received kidney transplant but later rejected it, causing him to go back on dialysis. He was diagnosed with tongue cancer and underwent a resection and graft of his tongue. He had his aortic valve replaced in his heart along with bypass surgery. He has had numerous other surgeries and hospital admissions. This year alone, he's been admitted to the hospital eight times. EIGHT!! He fights every day to continue to live life as full as he can. He loves my mom so much and makes sure she takes care of herself, even while she's trying her best to take care of him. His nephrologist (kidney doctor) told him the other day that with his condition, the only way he's still living is because of his fighting and good attitude.
I can't imagine enduring all that he has gone through. I would have given up, thrown in the towel, just quit. It's been so frustrating to him lately because his hospital admissions and health setbacks have been almost minor, but have affected his daily life so much. Through it all, he keeps working hard, trying to get better - for his wife, his kids, his grandkids, and for himself.
I treasured the time spent with him talking about the Cardinals, what football team to pick for my fantasy football league (another story, another time), the grandkids, how I'm not washing my hair, Big S's career, my career, nurses, doctors, my little family's vacation coming up, the holidays, and so much more. I walked laps with him around his floor, proud to be his daughter, because he was the only patient (that I had seen) who was up and walking like instructed.
While I love where I live, I hate that I am not able to be more present through this fight for life that my dad lives. I hate that I cannot be more of a resource and comfort to my mom when she needs a break from her caregiver role. I am so thankful that my brother is there with them. I am thankful for their church family who provide so much support for them in their presence and their prayers.
The day before we drove over, Big S, Little S, our friend Matt, and I, participated in the PKD Foundation's Walk for PKD which raises money for Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) research to find a cure. We didn't raise any money this year, but maybe next year, we can help the foundation get one step closer to finding a cure so that others don't have to go through what my dad has endured.
If you want more information on PKD or how you can help visit, http://www.pkdcure.org
My dad has not been dealt the best cards when it comes to health. He has a genetic kidney disease. He has been on dialysis since I was in high school. He had received kidney transplant but later rejected it, causing him to go back on dialysis. He was diagnosed with tongue cancer and underwent a resection and graft of his tongue. He had his aortic valve replaced in his heart along with bypass surgery. He has had numerous other surgeries and hospital admissions. This year alone, he's been admitted to the hospital eight times. EIGHT!! He fights every day to continue to live life as full as he can. He loves my mom so much and makes sure she takes care of herself, even while she's trying her best to take care of him. His nephrologist (kidney doctor) told him the other day that with his condition, the only way he's still living is because of his fighting and good attitude.
I can't imagine enduring all that he has gone through. I would have given up, thrown in the towel, just quit. It's been so frustrating to him lately because his hospital admissions and health setbacks have been almost minor, but have affected his daily life so much. Through it all, he keeps working hard, trying to get better - for his wife, his kids, his grandkids, and for himself.
I treasured the time spent with him talking about the Cardinals, what football team to pick for my fantasy football league (another story, another time), the grandkids, how I'm not washing my hair, Big S's career, my career, nurses, doctors, my little family's vacation coming up, the holidays, and so much more. I walked laps with him around his floor, proud to be his daughter, because he was the only patient (that I had seen) who was up and walking like instructed.
While I love where I live, I hate that I am not able to be more present through this fight for life that my dad lives. I hate that I cannot be more of a resource and comfort to my mom when she needs a break from her caregiver role. I am so thankful that my brother is there with them. I am thankful for their church family who provide so much support for them in their presence and their prayers.
The day before we drove over, Big S, Little S, our friend Matt, and I, participated in the PKD Foundation's Walk for PKD which raises money for Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) research to find a cure. We didn't raise any money this year, but maybe next year, we can help the foundation get one step closer to finding a cure so that others don't have to go through what my dad has endured.
If you want more information on PKD or how you can help visit, http://www.pkdcure.org
Friday, August 30, 2013
Catching Up
Wow, it's been quite awhile, hasn't it? Last I remember, I was preparing to leave for Philadelphia to help my bestie find a place to live. And it was SUCCESSFUL! I can't wait for her to make the little house her own. It's so cute! I also loved spending time with her around New Jersey and in Philadelphia. I love that girl.
Flowers at the bestie's new house
My pretty friend by the Liberty Bell
After I got home from Philadelphia, I worked for 2 days and then went to St. Louis to spend time with my parents. My dad has been in and out of the hospital so we haven't been able to see Nana or Pops for awhile. We arrived on the anniversary of my dad's open heart surgery. He made a huge dinner of steak, potatoes, veggies, and strawberry shortcake. I'm so happy that he was feeling well enough to celebrate. My parents were excited to take Little S to the Magic House which is so different from when I was smaller.
There is so much more to catch up on, but uploading all of these pictures are making Dinosaur train run slow, so we'll finish catching up another time. :)
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Fear of traveling
I am so excited! My best friend is moving to Philadelphia and I get to go help her find a place to live. Yay for my bestie and yay for a new city!!
I love traveling. Surprising for an introvert, at least to me. I may not talk to many new people without a safety net (usually Big S) but I love seeing new places and I love airports (for the most part) and I love flying.
Well, maybe not love flying. I did. But now I'm kind of afraid. Ever since Little S came along, traveling makes me nervous. I'm afraid something will happen. I'm afraid I'll never see him and Big S again. I think I'm most afraid that he will forget me if something happens.
WHAT?!?! I know. Weird? Morbid? I'm selfish. I know. I want to be remembered. I want to leave a legacy. I don't want to be forgotten. I'm pretty sure most people feel this way.
But it's so true for me as a momma. I know that Little S is still at an age where he won't have memories from this time. If something happens on my way to or from or in the middle, he will only remember me because of pictures and stories. He won't remember that I sing him Jesus Loves Me every time I put him to bed. He won't remember dancing with me. He won't remember my hugs and kisses. And that's why I'm scared of traveling without my family. I'm afraid I won't be remembered.
I wish I could admit that I'm afraid of traveling for other reasons. But I know that my family will be okay. As I've said before, I am thankful for our community and know they would rally around my boys. I know that Big S is a wonderful father who would be able to raise our son with no problems.
I'm just scared of being forgotten.
Please pray for comfort for me. Please pray for safety for all of us as we are apart. Please forgive me for being so selfish. Thank you friends.
I love traveling. Surprising for an introvert, at least to me. I may not talk to many new people without a safety net (usually Big S) but I love seeing new places and I love airports (for the most part) and I love flying.
Well, maybe not love flying. I did. But now I'm kind of afraid. Ever since Little S came along, traveling makes me nervous. I'm afraid something will happen. I'm afraid I'll never see him and Big S again. I think I'm most afraid that he will forget me if something happens.
WHAT?!?! I know. Weird? Morbid? I'm selfish. I know. I want to be remembered. I want to leave a legacy. I don't want to be forgotten. I'm pretty sure most people feel this way.
But it's so true for me as a momma. I know that Little S is still at an age where he won't have memories from this time. If something happens on my way to or from or in the middle, he will only remember me because of pictures and stories. He won't remember that I sing him Jesus Loves Me every time I put him to bed. He won't remember dancing with me. He won't remember my hugs and kisses. And that's why I'm scared of traveling without my family. I'm afraid I won't be remembered.
I wish I could admit that I'm afraid of traveling for other reasons. But I know that my family will be okay. As I've said before, I am thankful for our community and know they would rally around my boys. I know that Big S is a wonderful father who would be able to raise our son with no problems.
I'm just scared of being forgotten.
Please pray for comfort for me. Please pray for safety for all of us as we are apart. Please forgive me for being so selfish. Thank you friends.
A picture of two littles with not a care in the world
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Things I've Learned Today
It's amazing how I can have so much to say one day that I don't say everything on my mind and then the next five days I have nothing.
This is one of those days that there is so much on my mind that I have to pick and choose. So to keep it simple, here is a list of some things I've learned today.
1) I will never envy the person who has to sit and shell edamame for the frozen edamame bags. I'm sure there is a machine, but I have pity for the person who has to do it if there is one.
Yup that whole small bowl of beans is what that package produces. Much easier to shell with your mouth while eating than with a knife.
2) To get Little S to eat his veggies and chicken, just make fried rice! He's so asian. I mean seriously. Won't touch the stuff until it's mixed with rice and soy sauce (yeah, it's delicious to anyone, for sure). But yeah, total asian.
3) Big S is so excited for the XboxOne to come out at the end of this year. It's going to be voice controlled, even more than what our Xbox360 is now with the Kinect. What's crazy to me is that Little S will grow up talking to his TV. I mean, he already is. He has started to say, "Xbox," when he wants to watch another episode of whatever TV show he was watching when we say it's time to do something else. Yikes!
4) I am SO impatient when it comes to computers! I'm trying to do 3 things at once, uploading pictures in all three areas. I need to slow it down. (I already knew this one, just using it as more of a reminder to myself.)
5) Little boys are so silly. Yeah, I didn't just learn this today, but I just wanted to put up some pictures of my silly boy.
 |
| This little boy LOVES nutella and always makes a mess |
 |
| Showing off his life jacket from his Grammy. The fake smiles have already started |
 |
| Already giving me the, "just stop with the pictures" face |
Monday, July 8, 2013
Blogging and working
Maybe it should be more, "Working and not blogging." Because that's what happens. When I work, I don't have time to blog because I'm either at work or sleeping. Dang. Oh well.
How was your 4th of July? Mine was full of community and fireworks. Big S had to work so Little S and I celebrated with some friends from church who have a big party every year for Independence Day. It was smaller this year, but still full of friends and Little S having fun in a baby pool with his friend. After eating, we ventured with the Godparents to a celebration put on by the parents of friends from college. Oh my wow. Between the fireworks choreographed to an Eye of the Tiger music video and the main display of fireworks being quite close to us, I'm not sure we'll be returning. Knowing us, probably, but I don't think I got "Mom of the Year" nominations with that decision.
How was your 4th of July? Mine was full of community and fireworks. Big S had to work so Little S and I celebrated with some friends from church who have a big party every year for Independence Day. It was smaller this year, but still full of friends and Little S having fun in a baby pool with his friend. After eating, we ventured with the Godparents to a celebration put on by the parents of friends from college. Oh my wow. Between the fireworks choreographed to an Eye of the Tiger music video and the main display of fireworks being quite close to us, I'm not sure we'll be returning. Knowing us, probably, but I don't think I got "Mom of the Year" nominations with that decision.
While I am posting pictures, I wanted to show of my recent nail art. I've never dyed my hair and my wardrobe is pretty much gray, white, black, and navy, so the way I jazz myself up is by my nails or earrings. Sadly, nail polish is pretty much one of the only things that causes dissension in our house. Big S HATES the smell of nail polish and complains after I do my nails, asking me EVERY TIME to paint them outside. I think the temperature affects the polish making it harder to apply smoothly.
Anyway, here are my 4th of July nails that I'm quite proud of, and what I did tonight.
The sparkles are actually silver and red. Yay!
The tips are actually painted white, but it's hard to tell because it's a pearly white. I'm not digging the sparkles as much as I thought I would, but it jazzes the nails up a little.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Visiting LaCygne
I want to start off by saying, how do these Mommy Bloggers have time to blog? I mean seriously?! Wait, I just realized that I'm trying to blog two days IN A ROW! Well, the only reason is because today was exciting and tomorrow will be too so I don't want one big post one day. Maybe not having a purpose to this blog is complicating my life because I feel like I have to give you every detail. If I had a theme, like baking, I could just focus on that. Whatevs...
Anyway, Little S and I took a trip to a wonderful place called LaCygne, that happens to be located in LaCygne, Kansas. This place was where Big S worked for 4 years before pursuing the EMT/Firefighter route. It's a wonderful place that used to be mainly a summer camp for high schoolers, but is now something more spiritual and community based. If you want more information, visit here.
It was so refreshing to return to camp. Little S's (correct?) godparents were camping out at LaCygne this week so that was what sparked the interest to go back. I loved seeing so many familiar faces and receiving so many hugs from those wonderful people. Last summer, Little S was just starting to crawl so it was so weird to see him running around the grounds this year.
He enjoyed running around the grounds until he faceplanted on the sidewalk, making a sound like his head was cracking. From there it was a downhill spiral. Every fall meant more tears and more tears also signaled more exhaustion since he didn't really nap this afternoon.
When he wasn't falling, however, he loved watching the blobbers blob and "played" disc golf with his godparents.
Which brings me to the main topic.
I don't know how single parents do it. Much respect to you, single parents, because I fail miserably every day that I'm with Little S alone (which is three days/nights) of the week. I'm so overwhelmed and tired because he is everywhere, wanting to be independent and not understanding rules, but wanting me near.
I am so thankful for Little S's godparents. They are true examples to me of what community means and does. They helped so much with him today from changing his diaper and getting him up from his nap when I was at the pool to carrying him and even disciplining him. We are so grateful and so blessed to have these two people in our lives.
Anyway, Little S and I took a trip to a wonderful place called LaCygne, that happens to be located in LaCygne, Kansas. This place was where Big S worked for 4 years before pursuing the EMT/Firefighter route. It's a wonderful place that used to be mainly a summer camp for high schoolers, but is now something more spiritual and community based. If you want more information, visit here.
It was so refreshing to return to camp. Little S's (correct?) godparents were camping out at LaCygne this week so that was what sparked the interest to go back. I loved seeing so many familiar faces and receiving so many hugs from those wonderful people. Last summer, Little S was just starting to crawl so it was so weird to see him running around the grounds this year.
He enjoyed running around the grounds until he faceplanted on the sidewalk, making a sound like his head was cracking. From there it was a downhill spiral. Every fall meant more tears and more tears also signaled more exhaustion since he didn't really nap this afternoon.
When he wasn't falling, however, he loved watching the blobbers blob and "played" disc golf with his godparents.
Which brings me to the main topic.
I don't know how single parents do it. Much respect to you, single parents, because I fail miserably every day that I'm with Little S alone (which is three days/nights) of the week. I'm so overwhelmed and tired because he is everywhere, wanting to be independent and not understanding rules, but wanting me near.
I am so thankful for Little S's godparents. They are true examples to me of what community means and does. They helped so much with him today from changing his diaper and getting him up from his nap when I was at the pool to carrying him and even disciplining him. We are so grateful and so blessed to have these two people in our lives.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Welcome to My World
Starting up a new blog is always hard, but I'm excited for this new start. I am not the most eloquent, wise, or even the most dedicated blogger, but I like it and feel like it's a good way to get my thoughts out to share to the two people that read my posts.
I have no idea the direction this will blog will go, but expect lots of pictures of my two men and two dogs and probably not a lot of pictures of me because that's how I roll. I am a Pinterest-er, so also expect much reference to what I see on Pinterest and the funny things I pin.
Why Heart and Seoul? Well, I feel like that name of the blog encompasses many important aspects of my life.
I am forgiven by a wonderful God who knows my faults and still claims me as his own. I am not perfect, as you will often see, but know that everything that has happened in my life is not because of coincidence, but because of a divine plan. I am blessed beyond measure.
I am a wife to wonderful man of God who is passionate about helping others, either as a youth pastor or currently as an EMS worker trying to become a fireman. I am so proud of him and am so blessed to be his wife. I have sweet little boy who smiles and laughs all of the time and brings such joy to my heart.
I was born in Seoul, South Korea, and adopted at a young age. While I am your typical, suburban, "white girl," I'm proud of being unique here in America and hope to learn more about my heritage.
Heart and Soul is one of those songs that kids learn to play on the piano at a young age. While I am not as musical as I used to be, I hope to reclaim that passion and love of mine and pass it on to my little.
I guess that's enough for one blog. Welcome to my world!
I have no idea the direction this will blog will go, but expect lots of pictures of my two men and two dogs and probably not a lot of pictures of me because that's how I roll. I am a Pinterest-er, so also expect much reference to what I see on Pinterest and the funny things I pin.
Why Heart and Seoul? Well, I feel like that name of the blog encompasses many important aspects of my life.
I am forgiven by a wonderful God who knows my faults and still claims me as his own. I am not perfect, as you will often see, but know that everything that has happened in my life is not because of coincidence, but because of a divine plan. I am blessed beyond measure.
I am a wife to wonderful man of God who is passionate about helping others, either as a youth pastor or currently as an EMS worker trying to become a fireman. I am so proud of him and am so blessed to be his wife. I have sweet little boy who smiles and laughs all of the time and brings such joy to my heart.
Me and Big S
My little man, Little S
I am a Pediatric nurse and work with kiddos needing or have had heart surgeries. I am fascinated by the heart, in the way it works and develops. I view what I do, not as work, but as my ministry for which God has created me. I am so blessed to be able to do what I do. This picture sums up my thoughts of working with the sick kiddos.
I was born in Seoul, South Korea, and adopted at a young age. While I am your typical, suburban, "white girl," I'm proud of being unique here in America and hope to learn more about my heritage.
Heart and Soul is one of those songs that kids learn to play on the piano at a young age. While I am not as musical as I used to be, I hope to reclaim that passion and love of mine and pass it on to my little.
I guess that's enough for one blog. Welcome to my world!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)