Sunday, February 22, 2015

Thoughts on Lent far

A few days late as Lent started on Wednesday but oh well:

Oh yes, it's that time of year to think about sacrifices and what Christ did for us on the cross.  It's also the time of the year that many people dread as they decide what they want to "give up" for the 40 days. 

As expected (because he does this every Lenten season), last Sunday, my pastor encouraged us to not think of what we can "give up" but what we can do to lead us into a deeper spiritual journey during this Lenten season.  It's not a time for us to change a habit, lose weight, or anything like that.  It's a time for us to reflect and grow spiritually as we prepare for (in my opinion) the most important moments of the Christian faith. 

Honestly, I'd already decided that I'm not giving anything up anyway because of baby #2.  I can't eat raw sushi, drink my Angry Orchard, or even get an easy Jimmy Johns sandwich while at work.  I was pretty much being a whiny brat about it. 

After really thinking and praying about it, I still don't know what I am doing for the Lenten season.  I have started reading through a devotional book with Little S every morning when we wake up to start our day out with a little encouragement from God. 

And to be honest again, ever since we started this, parenting has been kind of sucky.  Ugh!!!  I know, it's small moments that are making me say this and for the most part, we have a fine time, but it hasn't been easy to be a mommy for the past 5 days.

In a way, I wonder if this is my Lenten "fast."  My pastor encouraged us to seek out something that really challenges us to get out of our base comfort zone and to truly rely on him as we battle what we fear.  For me, as I am often in my head, I tend to battle anxiety over the future and desire security and comfort.  From Little S running out into the grocery store parking lot and then headbutting my nose while I was trying to talk to him to being peed on by the stubborn little boy; from cleaning spilled coffee off my couch and chair cushions to vacuuming up rice and glass from a glass jar broken on our fireplace; and now to a sick little kid that's causing me to miss church and community with my church family, I feel like my desire for control of situations and preparing for the future are being tested.  I am relying on God as I pray for patience and love in all situations.  I want my boy to know how much he is loved, even when I am frustrated, tired, and short tempered. 

I know it's not necessarily a daily practice, but it sure seems like right now.  Oh well.  I know that God is good and loves and hears me.  I know that parenting is an adventure that never ends.  I pray that during this Lenten season and for always, I will remember who provides for me and that I will continue to rely on Him more and more instead of relying on my plans for the future (because we all know my plans are never the right course in my life, especially when I say, "I will never..." i.e. William Jewell College, nursing, marrying a youth pastor, etc). 

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