Monday, September 30, 2013

Finding the Good

As I mentioned in my last post, my parents have not been able to live an easy life lately.  My mom described it like they're in the ocean, about to get their bearings and staying afloat and all of a sudden another wave comes and knocks them down again.  When we talk on the phone after another wave hits them, I always encourage them to look at the little victories in the everyday.  Is Dad getting around a little faster than he was?  Is he able to make dinner tonight?  Did you have the time to see the grandson in town in between doctors' office visits, home health visits, and dialysis?  Little things in the everyday that seem so minor, but if you look back you realize how far you've come.

Well, today, for me, was that kind of day that had me doing the same thing.  It was a day that seemed like no good was present.  Everything was negative.  I made my first MAJOR mistake at work.  Then I got home and only got two hours of sleep after 3 shifts in a row.  Because of this, I looked like I stood up my pastor at a scheduled meeting, even though I'd emailed him and said I couldn't meet (I guess he didn't get the email).  The night ended with Little S throwing the biggest tantrum at bedtime that I've ever experienced.

A Redd's Apple Ale, a few snapchats, some Candy Crush, and a bunch of laundry folding later, I am ready to end this night, but I know that I need to practice what I preach so that I don't think of only negatives to this day.  I know there are positives.  I have a friend who "counts her blessings" on facebook.  She's on #336.  That's neat.  I'd forget the number I was on.

The good in today's little moments:
1) I ran for 20 minutes straight, equaling 2 miles.  WHAT?!?!?!  I am not a runner so this is huge!  The couch to 5K training program is AWESOME!  I can't wait to see how much better of a runner I get and possibly speeding up my pace (but I won't push that one).

2) Clean sheets.  Since I'm trying to clean up our room and actually do laundry, it was time to wash the sheets on the bed.  I love going to bed in clean sheets.

3) Watson, the dog.  You won't see me count him as a blessing much, but today he was.  I took him on my run and he was actually a great running companion.  Usually, when it's me, Big S, Little S in the stroller, and him, he's a totally annoyance, but today he was wonderful.

4)  My new St. Louis Cardinals Jacket.  Oh yeah, had to buy one for the playoffs.  12 in '13!!!

5) Chaco, the other dog.  Just because she's so cute and she was my first baby.

6) Precious time with the little.  Even though our time ended with me holding my head in my hands trying to be more stubborn than our stubborn little boy, our time together before that was awesome.  He's so sweet and smart and I just love him so much.

7) Our housemate.  Yes, we have a friend living in our basement.  I love her and she brings me joy.  I am so thankful for her and that she can help take care of Little S.  She is a blessing.

8) Josh Groban.  I know. Weird.  I've been listening to him since the tantrum started.  He just makes me relaxed.  When I studied abroad, I would listen to him to calm down from my (self-imposed) drama.  (Another story, another time).  We have tickets to his concert in October and I am SO EXCITED!!! It is seriously (and sadly, probably) a dream come true.  My husband gave me an awesome Mother's Day gift.

Okay, I'm feeling better about the day so I am good to end it and go to bed.  Thanks for listening.  Remember, there is always good, even when it seems hopeless.  God is good and gracious and faithful.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Going home

For the past few days, Little S and I have been across the state visiting my parents.  While the trip was planned in advance, the unforeseen circumstance of my dad being admitted to the hospital for a week occurred which put a wrench in our plans.  However, Little S was amazing when he visited Pops in the hospital, and my mom was able to have some much needed respite from her caregiver responsibilities while she spent time with the munchkin at their house.

My dad has not been dealt the best cards when it comes to health.  He has a genetic kidney disease.  He has been on dialysis since I was in high school.  He had received kidney transplant but later rejected it, causing him to go back on dialysis.  He was diagnosed with tongue cancer and underwent a resection and graft of his tongue.  He had his aortic valve replaced in his heart along with bypass surgery.  He has had numerous other surgeries and hospital admissions.  This year alone, he's been admitted to the hospital eight times.  EIGHT!!  He fights every day to continue to live life as full as he can.  He loves my mom so much and makes sure she takes care of herself, even while she's trying her best to take care of him.  His nephrologist (kidney doctor) told him the other day that with his condition, the only way he's still living is because of his fighting and good attitude.

I can't imagine enduring all that he has gone through.  I would have given up, thrown in the towel, just quit.  It's been so frustrating to him lately because his hospital admissions and health setbacks have been almost minor, but have affected his daily life so much.  Through it all, he keeps working hard, trying to get better - for his wife, his kids, his grandkids, and for himself.

I treasured the time spent with him talking about the Cardinals, what football team to pick for my fantasy football league (another story, another time), the grandkids, how I'm not washing my hair, Big S's career, my career, nurses, doctors, my little family's vacation coming up, the holidays, and so much more.  I walked laps with him around his floor, proud to be his daughter, because he was the only patient (that I had seen) who was up and walking like instructed.

While I love where I live, I hate that I am not able to be more present through this fight for life that my dad lives.  I hate that I cannot be more of a resource and comfort to my mom when she needs a break from her caregiver role.  I am so thankful that my brother is there with them.  I am thankful for their church family who provide so much support for them in their presence and their prayers.

The day before we drove over, Big S, Little S, our friend Matt, and I, participated in the PKD Foundation's Walk for PKD which raises money for Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) research to find a cure.  We didn't raise any money this year, but maybe next year, we can help the foundation get one step closer to finding a cure so that others don't have to go through what my dad has endured.

If you want more information on PKD or how you can help visit,

Friday, August 30, 2013

Catching Up

Wow, it's been quite awhile, hasn't it?  Last I remember, I was preparing to leave for Philadelphia to help my bestie find a place to live.  And it was SUCCESSFUL!  I can't wait for her to make the little house her own.  It's so cute!  I also loved spending time with her around New Jersey and in Philadelphia.  I love that girl.

 Flowers at the bestie's new house
My pretty friend by the Liberty Bell

After I got home from Philadelphia, I worked for 2 days and then went to St. Louis to spend time with my parents.  My dad has been in and out of the hospital so we haven't been able to see Nana or Pops for awhile.  We arrived on the anniversary of my dad's open heart surgery.  He made a huge dinner of steak, potatoes, veggies, and strawberry shortcake.  I'm so happy that he was feeling well enough to celebrate.  My parents were excited to take Little S to the Magic House which is so different from when I was smaller.  

There is so much more to catch up on, but uploading all of these pictures are making Dinosaur train run slow, so we'll finish catching up another time.  :)

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Fear of traveling

I am so excited!  My best friend is moving to Philadelphia and I get to go help her find a place to live.  Yay for my bestie and yay for a new city!!

I love traveling.  Surprising for an introvert, at least to me.  I may not talk to many new people without a safety net (usually Big S) but I love seeing new places and I love airports (for the most part) and I love flying.

Well, maybe not love flying.  I did.  But now I'm kind of afraid.  Ever since Little S came along, traveling makes me nervous.  I'm afraid something will happen.  I'm afraid I'll never see him and Big S again.  I think I'm most afraid that he will forget me if something happens.

WHAT?!?!  I know.  Weird?  Morbid?  I'm selfish.  I know.  I want to be remembered.  I want to leave a legacy.  I don't want to be forgotten.  I'm pretty sure most people feel this way.

But it's so true for me as a momma.  I know that Little S is still at an age where he won't have memories from this time.  If something happens on my way to or from or in the middle, he will only remember me because of pictures and stories.  He won't remember that I sing him Jesus Loves Me every time I put him to bed.  He won't remember dancing with me.  He won't remember my hugs and kisses.  And that's why I'm scared of traveling without my family.  I'm afraid I won't be remembered.

I wish I could admit that I'm afraid of traveling for other reasons.  But I know that my family will be okay.  As I've said before, I am thankful for our community and know they would rally around my boys.  I know that Big S is a wonderful father who would be able to raise our son with no problems.

I'm just scared of being forgotten.

Please pray for comfort for me.  Please pray for safety for all of us as we are apart.  Please forgive me for being so selfish.  Thank you friends.

A picture of two littles with not a care in the world

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Things I've Learned Today

It's amazing how I can have so much to say one day that I don't say everything on my mind and then the next five days I have nothing.

This is one of those days that there is so much on my mind that I have to pick and choose.  So to keep it simple, here is a list of some things I've learned today.

1) I will never envy the person who has to sit and shell edamame for the frozen edamame bags.  I'm sure there is a machine, but I have pity for the person who has to do it if there is one.

Yup that whole small bowl of beans is what that package produces. Much easier to shell with your mouth while eating than with a knife.

2) To get Little S to eat his veggies and chicken, just make fried rice!  He's so asian.  I mean seriously.  Won't touch the stuff until it's mixed with rice and soy sauce (yeah, it's delicious to anyone, for sure).  But yeah, total asian.

3) Big S is so excited for the XboxOne to come out at the end of this year.  It's going to be voice controlled, even more than what our Xbox360 is now with the Kinect.  What's crazy to me is that Little S will grow up talking to his TV.  I mean, he already is.  He has started to say, "Xbox," when he wants to watch another episode of whatever TV show he was watching when we say it's time to do something else.  Yikes!

4) I am SO impatient when it comes to computers!  I'm trying to do 3 things at once, uploading pictures in all three areas.  I need to slow it down.  (I already knew this one, just using it as more of a reminder to myself.)

5) Little boys are so silly.  Yeah, I didn't just learn this today, but I just wanted to put up some pictures of my silly boy.

This little boy LOVES nutella and always makes a mess

Showing off his life jacket from his Grammy.  The fake smiles have already started
Already giving me the, "just stop with the pictures" face

Monday, July 8, 2013

Blogging and working

Maybe it should be more, "Working and not blogging."  Because that's what happens.  When I work, I don't have time to blog because I'm either at work or sleeping.  Dang. Oh well.

How was your 4th of July?  Mine was full of community and fireworks.  Big S had to work so Little S and I celebrated with some friends from church who have a big party every year for Independence Day.  It was smaller this year, but still full of friends and Little S having fun in a baby pool with his friend.  After eating, we ventured with the Godparents to a celebration put on by the parents of friends from college.  Oh my wow.  Between the fireworks choreographed to an Eye of the Tiger music video and the main display of fireworks being quite close to us, I'm not sure we'll be returning.  Knowing us, probably, but I don't think I got "Mom of the Year" nominations with that decision.

While I am posting pictures, I wanted to show of my recent nail art.  I've never dyed my hair and my wardrobe is pretty much gray, white, black, and navy, so the way I jazz myself up is by my nails or earrings.  Sadly, nail polish is pretty much one of the only things that causes dissension in our house.  Big S HATES the smell of nail polish and complains after I do my nails, asking me EVERY TIME to paint them outside.  I think the temperature affects the polish making it harder to apply smoothly.  

Anyway, here are my 4th of July nails that I'm quite proud of, and what I did tonight.

The sparkles are actually silver and red.  Yay!

The tips are actually painted white, but it's hard to tell because it's a pearly white.  I'm not digging the sparkles as much as I thought I would, but it jazzes the nails up a little.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Visiting LaCygne

I want to start off by saying, how do these Mommy Bloggers have time to blog?  I mean seriously?!  Wait, I just realized that I'm trying to blog two days IN A ROW!  Well, the only reason is because today was exciting and tomorrow will be too so I don't want one big post one day.  Maybe not having a purpose to this blog is complicating my life because I feel like I have to give you every detail.  If I had a theme, like baking, I could just focus on that.  Whatevs...

Anyway, Little S and I took a trip to a wonderful place called LaCygne, that happens to be located in LaCygne, Kansas.  This place was where Big S worked for 4 years before pursuing the EMT/Firefighter route.  It's a wonderful place that used to be mainly a summer camp for high schoolers, but is now something more spiritual and community based.  If you want more information, visit here.

It was so refreshing to return to camp.  Little S's (correct?) godparents were camping out at LaCygne this week so that was what sparked the interest to go back.  I loved seeing so many familiar faces and receiving so many hugs from those wonderful people.  Last summer, Little S was just starting to crawl so it was so weird to see him running around the grounds this year.

He enjoyed running around the grounds until he faceplanted on the sidewalk, making a sound like his head was cracking.  From there it was a downhill spiral.  Every fall meant more tears and more tears also signaled more exhaustion since he didn't really nap this afternoon.

When he wasn't falling, however, he loved watching the blobbers blob and "played" disc golf with his godparents.

Which brings me to the main topic. 

I don't know how single parents do it.  Much respect to you, single parents, because I fail miserably every day that I'm with Little S alone (which is three days/nights) of the week.  I'm so overwhelmed and tired because he is everywhere, wanting to be independent and not understanding rules, but wanting me near.

I am so thankful for Little S's godparents.  They are true examples to me of what community means and does.  They helped so much with him today from changing his diaper and getting him up from his nap when I was at the pool to carrying him and even disciplining him.  We are so grateful and so blessed to have these two people in our lives.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Welcome to My World

Starting up a new blog is always hard, but I'm excited for this new start.  I am not the most eloquent, wise, or even the most dedicated blogger, but I like it and feel like it's a good way to get my thoughts out to share to the two people that read my posts.

I have no idea the direction this will blog will go, but expect lots of pictures of my two men and two dogs and probably not a lot of pictures of me because that's how I roll.  I am a Pinterest-er, so also expect much reference to what I see on Pinterest and the funny things I pin.  

Why Heart and Seoul?  Well, I feel like that name of the blog encompasses many important aspects of my life.

I am forgiven by a wonderful God who knows my faults and still claims me as his own.  I am not perfect, as you will often see, but know that everything that has happened in my life is not because of coincidence, but because of a divine plan.  I am blessed beyond measure.

I am a wife to wonderful man of God who is passionate about helping others, either as a youth pastor or currently as an EMS worker trying to become a fireman.  I am so proud of him and am so blessed to be his wife.  I have sweet little boy who smiles and laughs all of the time and brings such joy to my heart.

  Me and Big S

My little man, Little S

I am a Pediatric nurse and work with kiddos needing or have had heart surgeries.  I am fascinated by the heart, in the way it works and develops.  I view what I do, not as work, but as my ministry for which God has created me.  I am so blessed to be able to do what I do.  This picture sums up my thoughts of working with the sick kiddos.

I was born in Seoul, South Korea, and adopted at a young age.  While I am your typical, suburban, "white girl," I'm proud of being unique here in America and hope to learn more about my heritage.  

Heart and Soul is one of those songs that kids learn to play on the piano at a young age.  While I am not as musical as I used to be, I hope to reclaim that passion and love of mine and pass it on to my little.

I guess that's enough for one blog.  Welcome to my world!