Thursday, July 18, 2013

Fear of traveling

I am so excited!  My best friend is moving to Philadelphia and I get to go help her find a place to live.  Yay for my bestie and yay for a new city!!

I love traveling.  Surprising for an introvert, at least to me.  I may not talk to many new people without a safety net (usually Big S) but I love seeing new places and I love airports (for the most part) and I love flying.

Well, maybe not love flying.  I did.  But now I'm kind of afraid.  Ever since Little S came along, traveling makes me nervous.  I'm afraid something will happen.  I'm afraid I'll never see him and Big S again.  I think I'm most afraid that he will forget me if something happens.

WHAT?!?!  I know.  Weird?  Morbid?  I'm selfish.  I know.  I want to be remembered.  I want to leave a legacy.  I don't want to be forgotten.  I'm pretty sure most people feel this way.

But it's so true for me as a momma.  I know that Little S is still at an age where he won't have memories from this time.  If something happens on my way to or from or in the middle, he will only remember me because of pictures and stories.  He won't remember that I sing him Jesus Loves Me every time I put him to bed.  He won't remember dancing with me.  He won't remember my hugs and kisses.  And that's why I'm scared of traveling without my family.  I'm afraid I won't be remembered.

I wish I could admit that I'm afraid of traveling for other reasons.  But I know that my family will be okay.  As I've said before, I am thankful for our community and know they would rally around my boys.  I know that Big S is a wonderful father who would be able to raise our son with no problems.

I'm just scared of being forgotten.

Please pray for comfort for me.  Please pray for safety for all of us as we are apart.  Please forgive me for being so selfish.  Thank you friends.

A picture of two littles with not a care in the world

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